You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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