Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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