how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
