All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
