My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize