I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
