i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
