remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
