I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
