please come you make the beer taste better
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
