I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i came on her dog
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
