she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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