I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
