shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
