he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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