that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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