She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
