it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
