so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
