i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
