john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
