She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
