Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
