Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
