you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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