yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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