Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
