This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
