But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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