My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
