I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
