Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
