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Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
