I met the friendliest cop last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize