this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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