I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
