yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
