i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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