In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
