I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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