Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
