he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
