I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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