I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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