you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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