um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
