I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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