forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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