now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
