Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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