it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
