Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
