Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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