He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize