apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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