If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You ate ashes out of my bong
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
