3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
