Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
