If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
