Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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