Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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