Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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