and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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