Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
