im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
