I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
