You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
